I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the raccoons are back...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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