You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
