I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
