I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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