Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize