So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
