Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
