Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
