DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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