I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
