my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
