"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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