I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
