and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
