Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
