go do what you do best...puke behind churches
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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