So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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