I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
