I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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