please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
