woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
