i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
