My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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