i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
