New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
