So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
