he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
