he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
