Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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