I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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