Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
