I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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