Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
