i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
