i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
