We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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