I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
