I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
