Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize