Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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