Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
