I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
