I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
