You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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