My room smells like vodka and shame
My balls are so social today.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
