Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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