I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
