Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
