So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
