i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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