Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
