Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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