i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
