Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
