I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
