he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
