Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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