I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wear drunk well.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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