You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
