Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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