I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
