oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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