dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
