Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
