and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
