The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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