It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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