This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
