Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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