Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
