my vag is so smooth its legendary
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
