the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
