i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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