Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
