I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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