I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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