So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
