4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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