glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
