he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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