I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
